18/12

Woo-hoo! 18 minutes of running and 12 minutes of walking. I never did get out yesterday, but we all need some lazy days sometimes. They just can't be all in a row. My big failure yesterday was making a batch of cookies and eating 7 or 8 of them. I felt so sick afterwards. I couldn't really eat dinner. I just had that self-loathing that comes from doing something that you know will hurt. Why can't I just eat one cookie? I don't know. For me, it's got to be total abstinence, because after the first one, I can't not have another. I don't believe in deprivation as a way to diet, but I just can't seem to stick to moderation in all things. I'm just not moderate.

I don't want to be an overindulger. I think it's wasteful and unkind to myself. My poor body has had enough abuse. Why do I keep abusing myself?

Not Today

I didn't get myself out of bed early enough to go walking today. My goal was to walk for 30 minutes, but I'm going to have to try to do it later, after Derek gets home. He didn't go today either. It might have something to do with the water jug that someone dropped last night at 9:30, which broke, spewing 1/2 gallon of water all over the kitchen, then a certain 4-month-old that needed feeding at 10:00, then an 5-year-old whose leg hurt at 1:00 am, then the 4mo who was hungry again at 5:00, and the 2yo who woke up with the need to shout, "It's Morning Time! Wake Up!!!" Sometimes it's ok to take a break.

16/14

16 minutes of running and 14 minutes of walking. I did my stretching and Pilates on the legs, plus some ab work. My inner thigh is sore, and I'm not sure why. I really, really don't want to get injured. That's why I've been taking it so slow. I hope the stretching will help. It snowed again last night, so the roads were icy. Derek ran this morning, too. He runs because I make him.

I have about 8 pounds to lose. I am going to do this by July 1st. That is a long time, so it should be easy. That means 1/2 pound a week. I can do this. Especially since Kiki is still nursing, and isn't on any supplemental food yet.

I am the queen

My lungs are burning. My knees are sad. My right hip is crying. I feel like I am going to throw up. But I ran for 25 minutes non-stop, and nothing can get me down! The sun is out and it's probably 40 degrees. I actually got hot while I ran. I think there is hope for me yet. We're going to run the Race for a Cure in Salt Lake as a family. My husband, sister-in-law, parents-in-law, whoever else we can get. That's a 5K in the middle of May, so we have plenty of time. My goal is to finish in 28 minutes. That's pretty slow, but the postpartum recovery has been slow. I don't want to hurt myself.